


What Could Have Been

by psngmrdx



Category: Rise Of The Tomb Raider - Fandom, Tomb Raider & Related Fandoms, Tomb Raider (Video Games), Tomb Raider - Fandom
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Death, Emotions, F/M, Fluff, Loss, One Shot, Romance, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25475269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psngmrdx/pseuds/psngmrdx
Summary: Basically random oneshots of diff genres fr Lara and Jacob from ROTR. Spoilers ahead for Tomb Raider Trilogy
Relationships: Lara Croft/Jacob (Tomb Raider)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 23





	1. The Night We Met

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Losing him made every loss she's ever had resurface to her memory and all she wants is to go back. To the night they had met. (Lara POV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This is basically a short one shot on Lara's POV when Jacob "died" and a short bit of what happened after,,,im not a native english speaker n this is my first fic so excuse me for kinda shit writing HAHAHA

Throughout her whole life, Lara Croft never had time to enjoy the smallest things. And when she did, what little amount of euphoria the girl had would always be crashed by a wave of loneliness and she would suddenly feel her heart beating louder, slower, feeling more empty each beat and for every beat, reminded her of all her losses.

Her mother who she only got to know through voice recordings and their pictures when she was younger, her father who she pushed back, doubted and never got to go on the adventure the two of them have been planning ever since she only explored the basement of the manor with their butler. Roth, the man who made sure Lara had a father by her side, one who would support her no matter how outrageous her ideas seemed and defend her, even if it meant giving up his life. Sam, who tried to bring Lara out of her shell, stayed loyal to her even when faced with Yamatai's worst. Even though Sam was still alive and breathing, Lara felt like she lost her once bubbly and glee partner. And Alex, who saw her as his brave heroine despite all the mistakes she made that led to his ultimate demise. Grim, even though they only spent a short time together, he was still part of the team making him one of the people Lara considered family. She even lost Winston, her butler who stuck with a childish amd bratty Lara and learned to always make her smile with just a game of chess. And Jonah, even though it was just an almost that time, seeing him bleeding out and her being helpless led her to believe she would lose all sanity if Jonah had not been healed.

All of them different people, with different fates. But when she lost them, she felt the same sharp thump on her heart. She couldn't describe it well, it was like the opposite of adrenaline, her knees would shake no matter how firm her feet stood and her eyes would water uncontrollably. Jonah always told her not to blame herself, that we all make our own choices and yet the only words that ring in her head are the ones that blame her. Like when Reyes had told her that it was "always about Lara" and that anyone who would be caught up in her would have a low survival rate. Reyes might have said it because she was tired from all the loss, but some part of it felt all too true for Lara especially now.

She was like fire, anyone who went too near would get hurt and the more she tried to help and fix them, the more she ruined them. Aside from adventuring, the Croft family seemed to have guilt passed down to every generation. Maybe this was karma? Life making her feel how her father felt in his darkest moments. As tough as she may be, Lara hated pain and how it made her feel so she did her best to avoid it.

Ever since Yamatai, she promised to keep her distance, avoided anyone she felt any attraction to, anyone looking to make friends and even began to be more aggressive just to push people away. Not because she wanted to, because she felt like she needed to. She felt like a curse, anyone who went near her would be bound to an undeserved brutal fate. And now kneeling down at the chamber of souls, she wished she kept every promise she made. Once again, history repeats itself. She felt the same sharp and slow painful beat of her heart whenever she lost someone important. It's all her fault again! How could she let him get hurt? When she saw Jacob on the floor, for the first time struggling and feeling pain, she ran as fast as she could. She felt like a bad omen, even a man who lived for over a thousand years and endured so much wars and calamity could be killed by her decisions.

Why? Why me? It seemed selfish to be thinking of herself that time, but she wanted answers from her own mind, why make her feel those suppressed feelings, why make her hear his low and husky voice, why make her see him smile, why make her feel his touch, why make her familiar to his scent, his clothes, the feel of his rough hands, the sharpness and intelligence of his clear blue eyes, the calmness of his words, the warmth of his large figure, just for it to be all reduced to ash? Tragedy caused by her own actions, no less. After he told her she had made a difference, she could feel his hand slipping away slowly like the sands of time she had wasted. She panicked, she's not ready. Not again. "Jacob! Please wait, n-not yet!" she called out, not being able to hold back a loud sob, her tears that she sought to hide, flowed with ease. She didn't just cry for Jacob, she cried for all of them, every one she lost just to get where she was now. He wasn't there to answer, to sit by her side and tell her to let go. She had gotten so used to his presence she felt like she couldn't go on without it "Please don't leave me behind!" Her voice cracked, her fists that pounded on the ground moved to her hair to pull it from different directions, leaving her looking insane and disheveled. It was like she was becoming undone the same way her father had when he lost Emilia. Her body began shaking from the sorrow and anger she felt from how unfair life was to her.

She hated that she questioned her feelings for him before, wondering why she would fall for someone she barely even spent a month with. Right now, she didn't care that she felt it....that she felt something she thought she could never do again. Lara didn't just cry for a friend, she cried for this man whom she truly _loved._ Even though Ana was there, she didn't care. She cried as loud as she could while hugging herself, seeing as there was nothing left of Jacob. She never even got to say that she actually loved him, that she was glad she was caught sneaking and dumped in a prison cell, glad that he never judged her and always saved her in times her lone wolf skills fail her.

She knows she should be happy for him, the fact that he was finally free from his mistake. But she wasn't. She wanted to spend more time with him, know his fears, memories, jokes and favorite spots in the valley, what he felt when he lost Sofia and Alya, how much emotion and fun did he have to pass out on just for the sake of the people he loved.

She wasn't sure how long she cried, her eyes so empty and her voice felt dry from all the things she had screamed out in the chamber. It was only when Ana tapped her on the shoulder she snapped out of her guilt. "Lara....he's gone. It's not your fault." she whispered to as she slowly kneeled by Lara's side. Without any second thinking, Lara pushed her with force making her slide onto the cold hard ground. Ana's weakening body felt too much pain for her to be furious at what Lara did. "You did this!" "Y-you..." she was filled with so much desperation she couldn't string her clever words to Ana so she spoke blunt, no more clever comebacks or snappy remarks. "H-how could you take away everything I've ever loved?! You almost took away Jonah and now..." Her furious statement loud enough for anyone outside the chamber to hear it. "I hope you die a horrible death you self-centered bitch!" Ana didn't have the strength to look or talk back and took every sharp word the girl she used to see as naïve and clueless.

Lara's sobs didn't stop no matter how tired she felt, even when Sofia and many of the fighters in the remnant came to the rescue. she sat in the same cold spot where she lost Jacob, and couldn't even be moved even with Sofia asking her countless times what had happened. She felt frozen, like her rational thoughts had stopped and the thing her mind did before blacking out was making her remember the cold, wet cells in the gulag.

No matter how much cold and loneliness were in those cells, he was there and it made everything feel warmer. Even though it was the night she thought she would reach the end of her life, the night she hd been betrayed by someone she saw as family, she would do anything to go back to the night they met. She wasn't sure how would she be able to go on around certain places in the valley without remembering that before she was there alone, Jacob was there by her side first. His memory and words would always haunt her and she didn't know how to feel about it. Their banter had replayed in her head " _You don't know how far I've come._ " that made him crack a smile.

A small part of her felt so lucky, knowing that from the beginning till the end, Jacob was there comforting her with his smile in the worst situations that always brought her back to the night they had met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: this is my first fic so go easy on me ; (( ive only recently played the game n omg the moment I saw Jacob I really thought Lara was getting a love interest : // such a shame theres only a few fics w them in it,,,,hopefully when I start to learn a bit ill start writing some fluff n eventually smut HAHAHA I have so many ideas hehe idk if anyone will read this but thanks for reading even tho its short! really appreciate it!!! Lets hope ill improve : ))


	2. Dying Inside to Hold You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob decides to accompany Lara in her task to clear out the valley of any Trinity forces left and he discovers a strange device that floods back memories for Lara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little clarification, I decided to set this after the events of SOTR cause I wanted to let a few years pass before Lara discovers that Jacob is not actually dead ill write an AU on that too as well, stay tuned! thanks for reading ; ) (sorry in advance for any grammatical errors!)

Jacob was surprised that despite all the odds against him the world had given him another chance to live. He was so sure that three bullets and a shattered source would be enough force to end him. He would've welcomed death with open arms, at least that's what he let Lara believe. But deep down he wanted to stay for her, as strange as it felt and sounded. He never thought that in all of his entire thousand year life, he would meet another person that would make him forget his personal morals and immortality. He made her feel it again, no matter how much he hated it he loved and craved for it at the same time. 

He felt _human_ .

He thought he could never love someone that way after Sofia and Alya, but when she looks at him, even when she found out the terrible lies he made people around him believe, she still looks at him with the same trust and loyalty even when they only had each other's company for a short time. Any second he spent with her, felt like a blissful lifetime. So he followed her. Lara may have said multiple times she worked better alone, that she was a lone wolf and anyone caught in the way would only regret sticking with her, but it never stopped Jacob from following her on every journey she embarked on. Lara found it endearing, he wasn't as serious as before and became even a little more playful with banter, even calling her "Lady Croft" to tease her about her fancy title she hid so often. For the first time, Lara felt warmer, less guilty and less paranoid knowing that he would be right behind her helping in the smallest things. Everyday she spent in the valley felt like a strange casual date. Even pelting the bear she caught ended with Jacob helping and even suggesting he carry most of the trinkets she found around the area. It made her feel fuzzy and filled with butterflies knowing he went on adventures with her to get to know her and be close to her. But at the same time she did her best to extremely cautious, fight dirtier and to move faster knowing that Jacob may have been spared, but he wasn't immortal anymore. Jacob was no doubt a skilled warrior, but Lara was a more skilled overthinker, always checking behind her back to see if he was still in one piece.

Especially now that they were in the soviet prisons, clearing out whatever may be left of trinity. Even after 3 years, some of them still resided there like unwanted pest.

The shadowy organization's grip weakened as Lara and Jacob cleared out one of their main headquarters without any hassle. Jacob had to assure her more than once that he would be fine, chuckling at her increased coddling. "Would you like to lock me up here?" He joked as they arrived to the place where they first met. A cold, damp, dark and cramped prison cell meant to break anyone's hopes of ever seeing light again. He found her so captivating that night, she was like a chess piece forced to play the game of Trinity that just decided to jump off the board, flip the entire table and change the game according to her liking. Ever since that night, he could never stop looking at her in awe whenever she wasn't paying attention. 

Jacob bent down to sit back inside of the prison cell he used to be bound to, putting on his best pitiful face and looked at her still standing with a face of amusement, "What shall I call my new acquiantance?" this caused the tenseness in her body from the fighting to switch down into laughter and a eyes rolling in annoyance. She decided to play along. She walked down into the cell she was put into and gripped her hands dramatically on the prison door that used to be locked, she couldn't remember much of the conversation that night, but she can recall one of her dramatic lines, "there is no... us ." she said with an attempt to sound angry, only making her look like a terrible actress which brought out a string of laughter from both of them. "Your words hurt me, Lady Croft." he put a hand to his chest, acting hurt. He could get used to this, silly jokes and exploring ruins everyday with the woman he loved. 

Any more jokes that would follow were interrupted after the sound of loud thunder ringing throughout the empty halls, startling both of them immediately. "There's a storm coming, we should probably get going." Lara spoke as she left the cell, she avoided rain as much as possible since it soaked up a lot of the stuff she carried, hopefully they could make it back to the village in time. "Hold on, we should grab some of these for supplies. The village might be able to put it into some use." Jacob gestured to a small box, upon closer look they were rations, given to the mercenaries to make sure they were stocked up well. Guess they won't be needing it anymore. Lara grabbed a few boxes, before heading out first to check if it was safe for them to go out through the path. 

Jacob, as unique as he was, he was similar to Lara. Intelligent, but very curious. He decided to look into a large knapsack that he assumed was owned by one of the mercenaries. His hands fiddled around to see if anything inside was useful. At first it seemed to be nothing special.

Clothes.

Beer.

Bullets.

As his hand slid up to leave along the contents of a deceased soldier's belongings something solid yet small had bumped his hand, he first thought it was a...radio? no, this was too small. A telephone? It had a wire attached like one...no, he's seen those. They were bigger. This one barely even occupied the palm of his hand. 

Before he could finish brainstorming, Lara called out to him, "Jacob? Where are you? We have to go now, we don't want anyone worrying too much about us again!" All of his thoughts stopped once he heard her voice, loud and clear. She always had that effect on him, no matter what she said. "Coming!" he answered back as he jogged to her side, setting aside in the pocket of his coat the strange artifact he found. They hurried out to go through the old copper mill and hopefully make it back before the storm rumbling in the clouds would pour down and leave them stranded. The last thing they needed was the rest of Sofia and his people getting worried, finding out they were together again and start talking about them. Not that it was bad, Lara just felt embarassed looking like giddy teenagers sneaking out together late at night.

Luck seemed to be on their side today. The moment they got back to the village no drop of rain had poured down on them, they left the rations at the town center which would be divided and distributed by the newly appointed leader, Sofia. 

When the clouds had stopped with the loud thunder and the heavy rain began, all of them were home sheltered away from the cold with warm furs and the heat of the fireplace. Lara was on the floor by the fireplace wearing her grey henley, rearranging her gear and cleaning her tools endlessly just like any anxious perfectionist would. Jacob sat by the edge of the bed as he changed into a lighter tunic and set aside his coat. _His coat_ . He remembered something. grabbing ahold of it again, he shoved his hand into his pocket to get the strange artifact he had picked up back at the old prison. He never got to take a closer look at it earlier. It was a small smooth white rectangle, It had some sort of button that also resembled a compass but the symbols weren't for directions. He took a look upon the strange wire, it looked like an old telephone, but only half of it and smaller so it must have been something to put into the ears. He pulled onto where the wire had ended and it had disconnected. He thought he broke it. There was a small screen at the top of the button, so he assumed that by pressing the circle in the middle would power it. The artifact lit up and showed him options that made him even more curious

_ Music > _

_ Videos > _

_ Photos > _

_ Podcasts > _

_ Extras> _

_ Settings > _

_ Shuffle Songs > _

_ Now Playing> _

"Pod...cast?" he mumbled out in confusion as he read some of the unfamiliar words. He decided to press the button on the word he was most familiar with. Music.

He thought he had seen everything, but this artifact changed that. He read out the first phrase at the top of the list

"Dying Inside to Hold You by...Timmy Thomas?" Lara seemed to be too preoccupied with her polishing her compound bow to even notice.

The sound of loud raindrops pouring and firewood crackling from the fire seemed to leave Lara's sense of hearing as she heard something. It was a song....she knew that song! Memories slowly flooded her mind as the singer had begun singing its first lyric. Taken by surprise, she looked behind her to see Jacob, somewhat as surprised as her as the ipod in his hand started to play the song

"Lara, what is this...? It seems to have begun a song as I clicked on one of the phrases" he spoke, quite bluffered and amused. Lara let out a small chuckle as she stood up to sit beside him. "That's an ipod, where did you get that?!" She laughed as she realized how out of touch he was with devices in the modern world. Imagine if he discovered a microwave, she thought. "I found it in inside the mercenary's knapsack. Do you know this song? It seemed to be quite familiar to you."

Lara took a deep sigh, remembering why she knew the song.

"That was one of my dad's favorite songs. I don't have much memories of him and my mom, but I remember seeing them inside his study just dancing along to it, both of them just looking so....happy," she continued on, a smile on her face as a mental image of it conjured in her head. "they saw me peeking through the door laughing, so they pulled me into the study and we sort of....had a silly ballroom dance but for three people!" Jacob laughed along with her, glad to see that even with all the gloom from the rain and recent adventure she had gone to in Peru, she still had a playful and childish side kept in her. Lara felt a small tinge of sadness, while hooking her arm into his and resting her head on his broad shoulder he felt it. 

"you miss them, don't you?"

"I just...miss those times, mom always made sure dad wouldn't be eaten up by his research and forget about me. She kept us together. I can't believe I don't remember much about her."

Lara looked into his icy yet comforting eyes, "The only thing I'm certain of is that she would've loved you. And dad too. I miss dancing to this song..." she chuckled in a bittersweet tone, keeping her eyes down on their feet to hold the tears threatening to give in and roll down. Jacob could sense the sadness in her, making him drape his arm over her to secure her in a snug embrace.

"Why don't you do it again?" he asked after a few moments of silence

"Do what?"

"Dance to this song, come on." Jacob stopped in his embrace to get up from the bed to bend down slightly, his arm behind his back while the other offering for hers. Although he never danced whenever his people had celebrations, he was able to observe some steps from them and was willing to try, for her.

"I'm not a good dancer. I break tombs, not dancefloors." Lara said as she rolled her eyes back and a shy smirk appeared. She tried to find an excuse, but his hand still remained in the air, waiting to be held. She took it, quite nervous. The only time she danced was with her parents and at her highschool prom, she wouldn't consider it a dance since it was mostly stepping on the poor boy's foot throughout the whole song, way to ruin the mood. She gently placed her hand on his shoulder, while the other held his palm. This was strangely romantic for her. Atleast they were barefoot. Last thing she wanted was stepping on his foot with her combat boots. After a couple of bumping into each other, rhythm getting lost, excessive spinning around and toes stepped on, they managed to perfect a pattern.

As the fast paced chorus was went by, so did their movements, trying their best to make it suitable to the melody. Both of them looked at each other's eyes, never expecting that they'd be slow dancing in a cabin in the middle of a storm with the stranger they met in a dirty prison cell 3 years ago. It wasn't perfect. They didn't know everything about each other yet, they still had many questions to search for but in that moment they were....living. Being human, feeling things that any other person inlove would feel. Lara felt normal with him, a feeling that was still so foreign to her.

Lara moved her petite frame closer to his, their movements slowing down as the song neared its end, her head in settled on his chest and his hands snaked over to both sides of her waist, not wanting to let go. 

Jacob was pleasantly surprised when he heard her sing along to the final words of the song that made his heart flutter,

_ "I was dying inside to hold you, _

_ I couldn't believe what I felt for you _

_ Dying inside, I was dying inside _

_but I couldn't bring myself to touch y_ ou _.."_

Lara was not the best singer. She didn't like singing. She didn't like doing a lot of things, but with him it seemed so easy to do. Easy to sing, fight bears, face a deathless army and sacrifice personal vendettas for the better.

Even though Lara simply sang along to lyrics of a song, he felt like she was reading aloud his inner thoughts. Every word she sung described what he felt back then, held back because of his duties and worry. He was dying inside to hold her, and now he's never felt more alive his entire millenium than now, when he has her in his arms.

"Father I wanted to ask abou-

Sofia's words as she walked in without knocking were cut off and her eyes opened quite wide as soon as she found Jacob and Lara still slowly dancing, arms entwined together. 

Both of them felt frozen from the embarassment, their cheeks turning to a light shade of pink and their posture turning rigid as they stepped away from each other. Lara was scared of how Sofia would feel, she didn't want to look like Ana who desperately tried to fill that void that her mother, Amelia had left.

"You seem to be.....quite busy," she teased them as she leaned on the doorframe, twirling one of her braids into her hand. So the rumours were true. They were a small community, obviously the word that Lara and her father spent more time together had already been heard by her own ears, at first she assumed it had just been his way of paying Lara back, but seeing him here with her dancing in a slightly cramped cabin proved her earlier nonchalant guesses wrong.

"You should have knocked first." Jacob scolded.

"You should have locked the door!" Sofia sniped back while laughing, remembering all the times there was some kind of tension between Lara and him. She can't believe she didn't notice! Was she really that dense in sensing romance?

Sofia felt Lara shift uncomfortably from her gaze, since the stories about them were true she decided to reassure Lara,

"Don't worry, I'm just glad he was there to stop me from shooting an arrow into you. Just please take good care of him. For me. For us." A heavy weight had been lifted from Lara's shoulders hearing the redhead assure her it was fine. "This is honestly strange...but I'll just discuss with you the rations tomorrow. For now, both of you should rest. You deserve it." Sofia glanced at her father before leaving who gave her a small smile. Sofia didn't have any ill will towards whatever was happening between him and Lara. In fact, it made her happy for him, it's the first time she's seen her father vulnerable around someone and she was glad that someone was Lara Croft.

The two of them looked at each for a moment not sure what to say, only embracing in a warm hug that made the awkward encounter jitters fade away immediately. Jacob then placed a gentle kiss on her head, wanting her to feel the love she deserved. He couldn't read minds, but he was sure that both of them felt it. They felt like they found home, after years of running around their entire lives. Even though years had passed and so many things had happened while he was away, her feelings for him never did.

Ever since that night, whenever Lara was tucked in bed and was in a heavy slumber by his side, he kept the "ipod" and listened to the song repeatedly with the "earphones" Lara had taught him to use. It was the first modern song he had heard and it became his favorite one. He couldn't wait to see the different parts of the world with her while listening to it. It felt like his song. _their_ song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! Hopefully this fandom starts getting more fics ❤️


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